Hair loss answer??......Possible!

Low immune system + chemo = Hair loss? 

Laying in bed I realized that the week before Haylees numbers crashed she received one of her chemos called vincristine and yes this chemo causes hair loss but shes been getting this chemo monthly for months but a very low dose then I realized can low immune systems cause hair loss? so turning to the internet and the answer is yes. So could this be what is causes Haylee to lose her hair?? its possible. Putting the facts together, she gets vincristine on a Tuesday following Tuesday her numbers are the lowest they have been in months, then that Friday she gets a fever and her ANC was 40 when a normal ANC is 2500 to 6000 and your ANC is your white blood cells (WBC), also called leukocytes, defend your body against infections. So it is very possible that i could have a answer to this and I feel a little at ease. I mean Im no doctor but it does make sense. Having cancer your body can do the most craziest things. I just wish I knew if its going to stop. Sorry ive been on this hair topic for a few days but I am just trying to get myself to take some stress off. I will bring this up at clinic but I am sure the answer i will get is yes, possible lol. Oh how I wish my mind will shut off! Guess that starbucks at 4 wasnt a good idea :) Anyways I was going to send her to school tomorrow but her hair is still falling out, its slowed down but Im not sure if thats because shes running low on hair or if its starting to stop. I just had a thought i her hair is still falling out and her hair loss is from her low immune system why would I send her to school without knowing her numbers. But I pray and have faith in the heavens above that this is just a dark tunnel and that he is slowly showing the light at the end. So hopefully Tuesday I hear good news, because Friday my little girl is turning 5!!! 

GERMS = BAD NEWS!

4 days of Haylee's hair thinning and I keep going back and forth on weather I should just shave it. People keep saying to leave it alone but easier said than done because im the one picking up chunks of hair all over my house. I HATE HAIR, I hate my own hair on things and now I have chunks of it lol Im going to talk to her doctor on tuesday and see how common this is because I cant find a thing online, any kind of information and its kinda frustrating. We do no another family whos daughter lost her hair a second time so maybe ill talk with them...So frustrating  :( Lately I have felt a lot of anxiety with Haylee and her health. Before these last 3 weeks I was pretty at ease with it and now I feel like anywhere we go its dangerous for her health. When she got her pictures taken there was a little girl there who was sick and I thought for sure I was going to pass out with worry that something is slowly creeping into her lol and nervous to do family events because people who dont know dont understand what its like to have a child that immune system is barely there. Its so different when your adult and have cancer so I hate Haylee being compared to adult cancer patients, yes they can be around people because they are adults they can make that choice Haylee is 4 and I have to make that choice if I want her around 1 or 20 people. I mean I cant go around and keep putting hand sanitizer  on people hands or Lysol people and their homes and I dont know whos all going to be there that might have been sick 2 days ago with a fever and are now around my child. Yeah ill make the choice to protect my child that has cancer. People dont know but if Haylee was to get extremely sick and get pneumonia she could die. Im usually hush hush on all of this but people who think they have a idea what its like because they googled it online think again. I was told by another family to stop worrying about hurting peoples feelings and if its something I dont like to hear about Haylee and her illness then to tell them how it is because we are living this and they arent... I think this is why I started this blog so that i can write down how I feel about all of this. Well off to clean Haylees room she has a fun surprise coming over later tonight!

Just hair??

There are always some kind of obstacle when your child has cancer. Something is always around the corner like hospital stays due to a fever over 100.4 when a normal child thats nothing to be too worried about and so much more . When your first told your child has cancer as a mother to a small little girl of course I ask will her hair fall out?? and like any other mother to a small little girl you do not want to hear yes, tho this is true weather boy or girl but with a boy I feel I would of handled it better because most boys already have short hair but Haylee had long, bouncing curly hair. Well a little over a month maybe less into treatment her hair started falling out, it was like a husky dog shedding its hair...it was EVERYWHERE. We finally decided to shave it and when Haylee walked threw the door for the first time with no hair it hit home, my little girl has cancer and its just not on the inside anymore its on the outside for the whole world to see. I was broken and of course know one understood but the families who were in my shoes. Anyways she was bold what felt like forever and all of a sudden her little bold head was getting some hair, peach fuzz to give you a visual lol well 1 year and almost 4 months later her hair had its curl back and it was just barely touching her shoulders.A few months ago I was beyond excited that I could walk into a store and buy hair ties for her and that I could finally have her wear all the bows we had made for her, its hard to understand but its the kind of excitement you get when your baby's hair is just long enough to put a piggy in lol Well on Feb. 5th Haylee came out asking for help to get her night gown off, while I was taking it off I noticed the back of her night gown was just covered in hair and when I ran my fingers threw her hair my heart just sunk, chunks of hair were falling out and I felt like we were in Memphis again reliving the early stages of her cancer. I turned to facebook for some comfort, which I dont know why i do when I try to post positive post about Haylee but I needed some kind words.This little girl has lived threw 16 months of living in a body thats getting treated for cancer thats 486 days of this. She misses school, misses being able to do fun things with friends, family events, big birthdays and so much more and here she is again with more bad news. So taking this to facebook I hear "shes beautiful with or without hair" "It's just hair, it will grow back" and some other comments that I wish i could just trade places with that person for 1 minute and be the one on the other end of the computer typing that comment. YES its just hair but its hair on a 4 year old not adult who understand that chemo is doing this, shes 4 and yes wise for her age she is still 4. Here I am again explaining to her that her hair is going to fall out again after being told that it wouldnt (by doctors, not me). Yes she is beautiful without hair, Im her mommy I no this and I love her with or without hair (not that these people are saying I dont) but please put yourself in my shoes. We were getting a somewhat normal life, know one was asking us "does she have cancer" we looked normal to a stranger and it was getting a little easier to go places without Haylee feeling eyes on her. Now not only do we have to battle this nightmare on the inside shes going to have to show it on the outside again. Its not easy hearing people say its just hair because no it isnt "JUST" hair its hair from a child who is battling cancer. This couldnt of came at the worse time because she was so excited to have hair for her 5th birthday because on her 4th she didnt and now I cant tell her weather she will or wont because I have no idea. 1 week my little girl will be 5 and I wish i could take this all away from her, I wish I could just have 1 hour of a normal life and not a cancer life. But I cant..........  Why because I have a child with cancer and no longer a normal life.

I HATE HER CANCER!

My husband and I have been married going on 7 years this year and we have never been on a honeymoon.... 11 years together and 7 married and i feel like we havent spent much time together. Well today i was looking up vacation spots for just Chad and I and getting all exciting when all of a sudden I realize we have a child with cancer. Hello why would i even get excited to think of traveling 20 plus hours and leaving Haylee behind. What if something goes wrong and we are not here to be with her. I have to say this is frustrating and very disappointing. I didnt ask for her to go through this but I never realized that her cancer would effect so much of our lives. I love my daughter, she my first love but I HATE HER CANCER!! Why does a 4 year old have to go through this, its not fair on her or anyone else.  3 years of our lives that have been put on hold and 3 years of her childhood taken away and placed with chemo, port lines, traveling, hospital stays,medicine, surgeries, nights and days of pain and so much more. She was 3 when she was diagnosed my poor baby girl. Hunter was only 1 his childhood was also altered with not understanding whats going on, why is my sissy losing her hair, why did we have to leave home and move into a hotel room for 2 months, where are my toys and bed, why is mommy leaving me every Tuesday and why is she getting so much more attention than me. We dont realize how much a illness can change not just the person with cancer or the illness but the loved ones around them. When she was diagnosed we were told normal is no more that we will never have a normal life. This is so true normal is def. no more in the life of the Short's and nor will be for a long long long long time........... *sigh*