When your a mom of a child who has cancer your health and well being gets put on the back burner. All your energy and worries goes to your child. I no when im sick the rules of staying away from her but if im not running a temperature i dont worry about the rest of me. Ive dealt with anxiety and depression for a long time and i usually just deal with it. I take my medicine and go on with my day. Then when bedtime comes and i go to rest im reminded of how ive been feeling all day and usually its s feeling of emptiness. I started about a month ago of stomach pain and feeling sick throughout the day. I finally had time to go see the doctor. Im telling her my symptoms and she does a exam and then says something is definitely going on so let get some bloodwork done. Well this was a Friday and i had to go 2 days before finding out the results. I had every possible diagnosis going through my head and cancer was definitely one that was flashing in front on my face. I cried all day Saturday, thinking i cant leave my family they need me but then i realized no i need them. Haylee has opened my eyes to life and Hunter has given me strength to keep going and to remember to laugh. Chad has given me love and has shown me how to love and i couldn't imagine my life without those 3. I lay on the couch thinking if i hear my doctor say i need to refer you to a oncologist i will break but i need to stay strong and lean on those who love me. Because i have taken care and have loved them that it would be my time to be taken care of and to see the love from them they would be there and that whatever my body is doing to me i will too fight bc im not going to leave this life before ive experienced all the things i want too and that definitely includes being a mother and watching my children grow up and watching them get married and start families or before i celebrate my 50th with the love of my life. So today i call for the results to hear everything came back normal. So thank you to my amazing angel who even after death is still watching over me my mommy! Also thank you to god who allows me to be here and who will continue to let me be here. 👏💜 so good news im okay for now.
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